Killer Parenting Phrases Guaranteed to Diffuse Power Struggles with Respect and Heart.
So, the other day her teacher told me that my daughter makes her increasingly angry and that subsequently the behavior is getting worse. I immediately talked to my daughter and explained our expectations of her. It is my job as a parent to teach her the proper way to react politely and respectfully. I can expect her to obey, but only she can change her heart.
A wise counsel reminded me that there are many different forms of intelligence and that each child is different, all I had to do was find what works for my daughter. She said it like this was going to be some big mystery to mull over for hours and research, but for me the answer was evident. I know exactly what works. Every time. Without fail. Unfortunately I’m pretty sure that the national education system is not going to adapt to her.
Just for fun, and as a great reminder for us around the house. I’m printed up all of my powerful sayings that diffuse any power struggle with respect and heart. Most of them I’ve learned from my favorite book, the Bible.
While I’m on the subject, and since every kid is different, let me tell you about what doesn’t work for my daughter: violence (paddling), manhandling (forcing), bribery (sticker charts), sanctions (activities, or toys), emotional manipulation, threatening (raising your voice). All of these fear tactics are meant to motivate her to action, but she just responds by matching the manipulative tone. It is my conviction that it is my job as a parent to teach her to recognize manipulative tactics around her and ultimately seek out safe relationships. In order to do that I must model healthy communication.
What does work is a time to calm down, “You may return when you are ready to apologize and discuss this.”
What does work is a detailed explanation, “Here’s why I have this priority/value and the science/universal truth behind it.”
What does work is negotiation, “It looks like we have conflicting goals. Let’s find a way to resolve this.”